Listening Without Thinking
“He never listens!” Or: “She never listens!”
Have you ever said that about your partner? Has your partner ever said that about you? Do you know people in relationships who say that a lot? Did either of your parents ever say that?
I think most people would agree that listening is a very important part of any relationship. I wholeheartedly agree. But I also think that a lot of the problems and dysfunction in relationships stem from not knowing the real way to listen.
The problem is that many people think while they listen. The other person is talking and your ears are taking in what they say but at the same time you are thinking. You are either judging what the other person is saying or you are formulating your response or you are thinking about next Tuesday’s book club meeting. Your noggin is actively engaged in some mental process.This blocks true listening. There are more levels to listening than just the taking in of audio input through your ears. To discover these other levels it is necessary to stop thinking. Most communication between partners takes place between the two people’s minds. It is a mental thing. Emotions are also present because emotions and thinking are inextricably linked.
Most communication between partners occurs strictly at a mental/emotional level but there is a deeper level of communication that involves BEING and FEELING instead. It is at this level that true listening can occur once the thinking and emotions are turned off.
(When I say, “feeling,” I am NOT talking about emotion. Emotion is connected to thinking and the brain. Feeling is connected to the heart (and solar plexus) and does not involve thinking at all.)
Try listening to your partner without thinking. Clear your mind of ALL thoughts. Take in what they say without thinking about it. FEEL it instead. Let what they communicate wash over you and the longer you can keep from thinking the more you will be able to FEEL what your partner is communicating. Soon you will be able to FEEL what is behind the words and this connects you to your partner’s whole being rather than just their mind and emotions. While you are listening imagine an invisible thread connecting your heart with your partner’s heart.
This is called listening with the heart. This is the deeper level of listening that goes beyond communication and leads to communion.
Try to observe how much thinking you do while you are listening to your partner or to anyone. Do not think about how much thinking you are doing. Do not judge yourself. Simply observe it. Seen from the perspective of the observer, it is easier to choose to halt the thinking and listen from a deeper level. From that deeper level we can have strong meaningful relationships with the people in our lives.
Have you ever said that about your partner? Has your partner ever said that about you? Do you know people in relationships who say that a lot? Did either of your parents ever say that?
I think most people would agree that listening is a very important part of any relationship. I wholeheartedly agree. But I also think that a lot of the problems and dysfunction in relationships stem from not knowing the real way to listen.
The problem is that many people think while they listen. The other person is talking and your ears are taking in what they say but at the same time you are thinking. You are either judging what the other person is saying or you are formulating your response or you are thinking about next Tuesday’s book club meeting. Your noggin is actively engaged in some mental process.This blocks true listening. There are more levels to listening than just the taking in of audio input through your ears. To discover these other levels it is necessary to stop thinking. Most communication between partners takes place between the two people’s minds. It is a mental thing. Emotions are also present because emotions and thinking are inextricably linked.
Most communication between partners occurs strictly at a mental/emotional level but there is a deeper level of communication that involves BEING and FEELING instead. It is at this level that true listening can occur once the thinking and emotions are turned off.
(When I say, “feeling,” I am NOT talking about emotion. Emotion is connected to thinking and the brain. Feeling is connected to the heart (and solar plexus) and does not involve thinking at all.)
Try listening to your partner without thinking. Clear your mind of ALL thoughts. Take in what they say without thinking about it. FEEL it instead. Let what they communicate wash over you and the longer you can keep from thinking the more you will be able to FEEL what your partner is communicating. Soon you will be able to FEEL what is behind the words and this connects you to your partner’s whole being rather than just their mind and emotions. While you are listening imagine an invisible thread connecting your heart with your partner’s heart.
This is called listening with the heart. This is the deeper level of listening that goes beyond communication and leads to communion.
Try to observe how much thinking you do while you are listening to your partner or to anyone. Do not think about how much thinking you are doing. Do not judge yourself. Simply observe it. Seen from the perspective of the observer, it is easier to choose to halt the thinking and listen from a deeper level. From that deeper level we can have strong meaningful relationships with the people in our lives.
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